I am a self-proclaimed avacado-holic, cherished wife of Todd Snyder almost 23 years. Inside of Tiny Town, I’m the Chief Traffic Director and Hope Giver. “I dream it, he builds it and then I share it with the world!” We make a fantastic team! We build tiny homes and communities for families to thrive in for years to come. Our motto is, “Shrink your house, not your dreams”. We are blessed with three amazing kids: Elisabeth, 21, is studying nursing and getting married in June. Christianna, 20, is studying business and graphic design, living with family in Michigan. Andrew, 13, lives in the tiny house with us and when he’s not in school, he’s building tiny houses with his dad. Community info @ www.tinytowntexas.com.
My life mission is to dare people to believe the impossible is NOTHING with God! I’ve got some Big dreams I’ve been working on for twelve years. Watch them unfold in our blog.
My vision To be a part of a community of likeminded people working towards a common goal of creating and sustaining meaningful relationships that rock the world around you
Life motto He is my God; I trust Him
Favorite dreams quote “Your dreams should be so vivid that when you actually achieve them, you’ll feel as if you’ve already lived them.”
Favorite note “I can win with any hand I’m dealt” -God
Favorite songs I know my Redeemer Lives and Legacy
Life verse “To know Him and the power of His resurrection and to share in His sufferings, being made like Him” Phil. 3:14
My top values Leaving a legacy of Faith, Lots of intimacy with my husband, speaking life into my kids, spiritual and physical health, and friendships
I want to age like sea glass. Smoothed by tides, but not broken. I want my hard edges to soften. I want to ride the waves and go with the flow. I want to catch a wave and let it carry me to where I belong. I want to be picked up and held gently by those who delight in my well earned patina and appreciate the changes I went through to achieve that beauty. I want to enjoy the journey and always remember that if you give the ocean something breakable it will turn it into something beautiful. I want to age like sea glass.
If I could have traded places in that hospital bed at any time, I would have.
Honestly, it would have been far less painful to physically suffer than the pain and trauma of watching your beloved suffer and being powerless to do the things that would have saved him.
Life is short?Eternity is not??Love like there’s no tomorrow?Refuse to be bitter?Trust God for all
You can love someone and still have to let them go. It’s possible to want to have someone in your life, and know that isn’t possible.
Sometimes people aren’t able, willing or capable of showing up for us in the way we wish they would.
Releasing them isn’t a declaration that we no longer love or care for them. It means we love ourselves enough to let go even when it hurts because we are a stand for healthy, honest relationships that inspire connection, intimacy and growth.
No one can tell you what is right for you and what isn’t. No one can tell you when the relationship is meant to end, or when you are being asked to stay in the game.
But one thing is for certain – you are not required to give yourself away or pour yourself out in order to receive love.
When we experience conditional love (and most of us did) we might form the belief that love hurts, that it’s a roller-coaster, that it’s a chase.
We might be conditioned to expect let down, or have low standards for how people show up for us in our lives.
This is why through all of the inner work we do here, we consistently bring home the message of Becoming the One.
Of being in right relationship with ourselves. Healing our hearts and our inner world. Trusting in our innate worth and lovability. Reclaiming our power and trusting that it’s ok to set boundaries, to expect respect, honesty and communication.
Practice this work with yourself. Your feelings are valid. Your self-expression is beautiful. You are allowed to want what you want.
To Discover Your Unique Relationship Archetype, take the Relationship Signature Quiz and Find out if You are the Ocean, Mountain or Wind.
Each persons grief journey is their own, if you haven’t walked in my shoes, don’t pretend to know whats best for me Or what kind of timeline God may lead me on.
I am stepping out bravely into the unknown holding His hand In mine and Letting Him carry me as needed.
I get so mad when I read my widow friends stories of rude people trying to control or manipulate how they should Think or act because society deems it a certain way,
it’s none of their damn business to judge,
I’m begging you to please choose compassion and love for them.
Their courage should be celebrated not judged.
The last six months I’ve been in survival mode and I told myself the next 6 months are for thriving and creating my future Even as I honor and let go of my past.
No matter what I want or don’t want, what I do or don’t do, He’s not coming back.
Not ever.
It turns out being in love with a ghost is not that rewarding.
I cherish my memories and the love we created guides me now and for always.
I am in love with the person I am Today and Thats mostly because of his unconditional love that broke through my hardened heart so many years ago.
I had so much Shame and guilt, I didn’t like me, I wanted to be someone else. I didn’t believe he could love me for me because I didn’t.
It took years of his patience and faithfulness before I saw myself through his eyes, flawless and worthy, oh so worthy, Worthy of laying his life down.
There’s nothing we wouldn’t have done for each other, nothing. If I could have given him my lungs and he would live, I would have and he for me.
If I could have traded places
in that hospital bed at any time,
I would have.
Honestly, it would have been
far less painful
to physically suffer
than the pain and trauma of watching
your beloved suffer
and being powerless to do the things
that would have saved him.
His love healed so many scars I bore mostly from lies the church taught and experiences of rejection from Christians.
It took me many more years before I could say I love myself just the way I am.
God has shown me I will remarry one day.
Life is meant to be shared and two are better than one.
For the work He has called me to do in the latter part of my life, It is better that I’m not alone. I will need a protector, a bodyguard. I had that once, I miss it.
I’m not rushing it, just preparing myself by opening my heart to possibilities.
August 1, 2022, I open a brand-new storybook, the first chapter is titled
“Reinventing me: Shari 2.0”
My focus is to become the one I want to attract.
I will teach myself how to fall in love with my future and it will become so vivid that when I actually achieve it, I will feel as if I have already lived it.
This is the strategy that helped me create the life and relationship of my dreams once.
Because I’m no longer bitter about my shattered dreams,
I have the gift of faith to get back up and try again,
to risk losing again if I choose to love again.
My first task is choosing a new career path.
I am exploring my career possibilities so stay tuned for more adventures…
I will still sell tiny houses part time, but the passion I had Turns out it was more for him and being together working towards a dream of building a tiny home community together. I’m not saying this dream won’t happen, but I’m Shelving the development side for now.
It’s kind of like Golf, the kids and I enjoyed it because he did and we loved being with him in that space. Now it just doesn’t matter.
They enjoyed construction work mostly because it was quality time with dad.
He really was that special that you would do things you don’t enjoy just to be close to him and make him happy.
I know what Todd would want for me. It seemed like there wasn’t a selfish bone in his body, I know that’s not true but he was always thinking of me and the kids and how to best serve us and help us climb and Evolve to our best self with his Great love guiding us and believing in our greatness.
I know who I am, I know my worth, I genuinely like myself, I know exactly what I want and I refuse to settle.
It may take years to find one I can’t live without again, but I will not settle.
*I chose This photo of Andrew and I years ago bc he is my why right now for all I do and pursue.?
More musings found on my blog, Www.sharisnyder.com
I started healing a lot faster the day I realized my tears were not for Todd (Or do not need to be for him) and what he lost by not being here.
My tears were simply for me and my loss of the love we shared And the life we created and pity for my future on this earth without him.
Additionally, I healed a lot from the PTSD when I realized I was crying over the way he suffered unjustly because of the harmful protocols that led to his death but none of that caused him pain now.
He doesn’t care how he got there, he’s just so happy to be in the presence of his Savior And to have his heavenly perfectly healthy body, He doesn’t feel the pain and suffering anymore like I do.
It shifted everything when I asked myself if I could go to heaven and yank him back to earth, would I?
Hell no!
My love for him is not that selfish.
He got to go.
I had to stay.
(Not he had to go and I got to stay)
For example, if I would see a big tractor in a field, I would cry because he could never do what he loved again.
Then I realized the tractors in heaven and the splendors of what he was experiencing were far better.
So if I am here and he is there, what would make him smile as he watches me in my day to day life?
How can I best honor him?
That verse in Proverbs 31, “she will do him good and not evil all the days of HER life” does not say All the days of of HIS life.
He benefits from the good I did before we met and will benefit from all I do even after he moved to heaven.
I believe my Daily decisions create eternal rewards not only for me but for him.
I live for him and for eternity.
I choose faith and trust
I choose Joy and peace
I choose gratitude over sadness
rather I convert my sadness into gratitude.
I hope this helps someone else take their healing to a new level ????
I love you ??
Photo from our daughters wedding 3 years ago, taken by our amazing sister Lois Snyder
By the way, This week marks the sixth Month of being separated on this earth
I found 4 of the 13 Days I was on vacation that I didn’t cry
I’m not gonna lie
it was a very difficult trip but very rewarding too
I’m glad I did it
I saw about 90 friends and family bc there were 3 big parties I got to attend and I felt so loved ?
At my daughters grad party she asked me to make homemade ice cream and I had a Meltdown/panic attack as I stared at the ingredients thinking how many times He had made that for us and for others and how he should be here now
If he had a trademark he was famous for it was that and his life giving hugs? that energize you
His sisters came to my rescue, cried with me and helped me finish the task but it hurt like hell
The other very difficult day was spreading his remains In the lake…
I went so Many places where we made memories
including our first apartment in Grand Rapids, MI, where we had our first home birth
I drove past the cinema and restaurants where we made memories together
I was on the beautiful Torch lake where we honeymooned
and Lake Michigan where we vacationed for years as a family
my memories are priceless and precious
I can’t say I have no regrets, but the ones I do are small and I am so glad!
You Either live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret
Marriage, relationships and parenting are hard work, but so rewarding if you keep getting up when you Fail and do your best to grow and change who you are to be able to love more and more
My husband this morning about 1.5 hours into our day, after I recognized my irritated responses to my family members this morning, said, “So far today I’ve been on the toilet for too long, made the coffee wrong and and used too much paper towel to clean up a mess.” We both laughed. ? I didn’t even realize that up until that point I had criticized literally everything he’d done. He knows this isn’t normal for me and doesn’t take it personal. He pulled me in for a warm hug while we both laughed.
This didn’t used to be us. We’d both take each others’ moods personally and in true co-dependent fashion, we tried to “fix” what was wrong so that the other person’s mood was suitable to our need to feel like nothing was wrong. We’d either have sparks flying type conversations or we’d resolve to be silent until the mood sort of went away after a few days.
Now we verbally acknowledge the mood, without condemnation, letting the other person know they are safe in the relationship. We don’t try to fix each other anymore because neither of us are broken. This is something that Vicki taught me in all of my journey to becoming emotionally healthy and intelligent, “I’m not here to fix you, because you are not broken.” Such a powerful statement to be told and to believe.
When we recognize each other’s mood, verbally acknowledge it (which for us is super important), and simply say, “I’m here for you. I know that you will find clarity on the emotions that you’re feeling.” Plus whatever other words that validate, don’t minimize, don’t compare or condemn the other person. Don’t “cheer up” the other person because their emotions are not bad and they don’t need cheering up. Whatever they are, they don’t need to go away. They just simply are and we learn so much from them when we are okay to sit with them and get curious about them. This safe environment that we created in our home, in our relationship, has healed so many wounds and just all around has had positive and unexpected amazing side affects.
(written to myself on my 39th birthday from a favorite place called Enchanted Rock. Last month, I turned 49, gonna write a letter for the big 50)
Dear Shari,
Happy 40th Birthday!
Congratulations, you have just had the best year of your life!
You have finally found the secret – that you are in control of your attitude and that your thoughts create your words and your words create your reality and form your destiny.
You are not a product of your circumstances or your environment – you create those things with the power of your tongue.
You have a childlike faith that God is so pleased with. You walk by faith, not by what you see or feel.
You are an honorable wife – a truly virtuous woman – worth far more than rubies.
Your children rise up and call you “blessed”.
You make people feel so special and alive and inspired to become so much more and go after their dreams!
Thousands of people follow you because you have what they want and they know you can help them!
You have meaningful friendships with your family and a few close friends.
You have gone to Hawaii and Belize and blessed people. (I made it to the first in this time frame, but not back to Belize)
Your body is fit and energetic. Your face and skin look healthy, peaceful, rested and happy.
You are moving towards your destiny; you are a woman of faith that dares others to believe that with God, ALL things are possible.
Your dream of a healing oasis is becoming a reality.
You use your time wisely investing it for eternity. You are grateful, not griping and you lift people to a higher level.
All about cultivating a habit of positivity! Why tigers in the bushes made us prone to negativity, how we can make more positive experiences stick in our brain, and a sweet reminder from a 4-year old that “every little thing is gonna be alright.”
NOTE: I’ve been getting wonderful feedback about our new, “deep dive” emails. All of our emails won’t be in this format but people are loving them. Just remember, scroll through and pick up what serves you today! You don’t have to read every word to get great benefits. ? And make sure to forward it to someone you love who might need this info.?
TODAY’S THOUGHTS
80% of our daily thoughts are negative
Did you know that the average person has 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day, that 80% of those are negative, and that 95% are repetitive?
As humans, we really gravitate to the negative in terms of how we think!
Our brains are simply wired that way; it’s something that psychologists refer to as the negativity bias.
The negativity bias plays a HUGE role in our lives. It’s why we can’t stop thinking about that one piece of critical feedback we got from our boss, even though it was surrounded by lavish praise about how well we have been doing.
Or why we get upset over the one car that cuts us off on the way home, forgetting about the hundreds of others who were kind and courteous.
Neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson offers some helpful metaphors to illustrate the negativity bias. He explains:
“In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.”
And, “Most positive experiences flow through the brain like water through a sieve, while negative ones are caught every time.”
And for all the visual learners out there, this video from the University of California offers a great explanation of the negativity bias.
If you feel like being positive and optimistic doesn’t come naturally to you, it’s time to give yourself a break… It doesn’t come naturally to anyone! Our brains have a hard-wired tendency to downplay the good and focus on the bad.
But why is that??
EVOLUTIONARY ORIGINS
Is there a tiger in the bushes? The evolutionary origins of the negativity bias
In this blog post, Dr. Rick Hanson explains the ancient origins of this bias toward negativity:
“Basically, in evolution, there are two kinds of mistakes: (1) You think there is a tiger in the bushes but there isn’t one, and (2) You think the coast is clear, no tiger in the bushes, but there really is one about to pounce.
These mistakes have very different consequences. The first one will make you anxious, but the second one will kill you. That’s why Mother Nature wants you to make the first mistake a thousand times over in order to avoid making the second mistake even once.
This hard-wired tendency toward fear affects individuals, groups (from couples to multinational corporations), and nations. It makes them overestimate threats, underestimate opportunities, and underestimated resources.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m not running into many tigers in the bushes in my modern-day existence. Nonetheless, the negativity bias is still going strong! It’s a remnant of survival mode that just isn’t as necessary in the modern world.
But here’s the thing: just because the negativity bias is our default setting, that doesn’t mean we can’t override it. We simply have to consciously develop new habits and patterns to bring in more positivity to our lives!
And doing so is actually something to take quite seriously – as a positive and optimistic mindset has been linked to several important benefits across many areas of life.?
OPTIMISM SCIENCE & RESEARCH
Looking on the bright side can improve relationships, boost your bank account, and maybe even increase your lifespan!
There is some fascinating research on positivity and optimism out there.
Studies show that people who are more optimistic and see things in a more positive light tend to have:
Better physical health
Boosted immune function
More success in their careers (making more money, having a higher chance of being promoted, etc.)
Healthier financial habits
Greater relationship satisfaction
Decreased risk of mortality (from multiple causes like stroke, infection, cancer, and more) [1,2,3,4,5]
One fascinating study found that the top 25% most optimistic participants were likely to live a 5.4% longer lifespan, and have a 10% greater likelihood of living past 90, than the least optimistic participants.[6]
Pretty amazing, right? All of those benefits could be yours, just from cultivating an optimistic mindset!
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Free Book For A Limited Time!
Tapping to help kids overcome stress, anxiety, negative emotions, and much more!
In Gorilla Thumps & Bear Hugs Annabel dreams of one day being a scientist, but teasing from other kids at school has hurt her confidence and left her feeling sad and alone. Join her as she learns how to use the Magical Tapping Technique to quickly release her sadness and regain her confidence.
Help your child: • sleep more soundly • release anxiety and fear • get focused for school • develop self-confidence
Override your brain’s negativity filter by intentionally catching more of the good
We always have a choice of how we look at something, and step by step, we can train ourselves to see the world and our lives through a lens rooted in a deeper sense of optimism.
Here are some practical tips to help get you started with a habit of positivity:
Celebrate your wins and acknowledge your progress. Bring an intentional awareness to the wins, the successes, the things going well, the beautiful moments of growth and progress, and the times you feel proud. Track ‘em, log ‘em, help yourself to notice ‘em!
Practice gratitude. Take time out of each day to notice the good in your life, and all the big and little blessings around you that you have to be grateful for.
Share appreciations with others.Look for opportunities to notice the good that others are doing around you and express your gratitude to them (give extra thanks to your server at the restaurant, reach out to a coworker who’s been helping you out on a project, etc.).
Savor positive experiences. When you find yourself in a moment of peace, joy, or pleasure, draw the experience out as much as possible. Tune in and slow down so that you can really take it in and ground yourself in the moment.
Practice expecting good (instead of assuming the worst). When you find yourself falling into worst-case scenario thinking, try counteracting the catastrophizing with assuming the best. How could the situation turn out even better than you expected? How many different amazing possibilities could be ahead of you?
Try The Daily Inspiration. Start your day with a positive pick-me-up to motivate, inspire, and fill yourself with hope by heading to The Tapping Solution App and listening to our daily series of short audios titled, “The Daily Inspiration.”
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TAPPING SCIENCE & RESEARCH
Did you know that Tapping can help you feel more optimistic about life?
So where does Tapping come in, you might ask?
Well, Tapping helps us accept how we feel and honor current experience, while also supporting us in letting go of the negatives that might be holding us back. Tapping helps us open up to more positive emotions, thoughts, and experiences so that we can live our life to the fullest!
Science shows that Tapping helps soothe our brains, so they aren’t as stuck in fight-or-flight “survival” mode. Tapping can help us to deactivate the fear that fuels the negativity bias and make more room for pleasure, gratitude, positivity, and optimism. It helps put us in a balanced, calm state of mind where we can really start to notice and savor the good things in our lives right now.?
FEATURED MEDITATIONS
A simple, short, easy Tapping meditation to turn to anytime you need a dose of optimism in your life is our Micro Boost of Optimism meditation (find it now in The Tapping Solution App). This short and sweet meditation is designed to help open you up to a more positive outlook, so that you can relax and feel positive anticipation as you lean into what’s possible.
Here’s what people have to say after trying this powerful 3-minute meditation:
“Loved this one. Gave me some confidence that I can have a better life and look forward to the future.” – Karen
“I found this very uplifting and beneficial today because I was having a difficult day… I listened to it and tapped with the meditation a couple of times to make my day more positive.” – Jeanne Formanski
And if you want an even deeper dive into cultivating more positivity and optimism, consider trying our 5-Day Sleep Programming for Positivity Challenge. You can expect to feel happier, more abundant, and more optimistic about life as you Tap on increasing optimism.
Here’s what one user had to say about the Increase My Optimism Sleep Programming Tapping meditation (Day 1 of the challenge):
“I am feeling more optimistic and relaxed for sleep and the days ahead. Thank you Jessica, this meditation was so good.” – Viv?
INSPIRATION
Positive Words to Live By
“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
– Alphonse Karr
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, it’s unlikely you will step up and take responsibility for making it so. If you assume that there’s no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope.”
– Noam Chomsky
“When every day seems the same, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear in our lives.”
– Paulo Coelho?
AFFIRMATIONS
Affirmations for approaching the day with a positive mindset
I am grateful for the gift of this day.
Today, I choose to notice and savor the good that is all around me.
I open myself up to positive possibilities,
and unexpected surprises.
I choose to feel optimistic for the rest of my day.
I’m ready to meet this day with a positive attitude.
Today is a great day.
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MORE RESOURCES
More of what you need in your life
An adorable reminder that every little thing is gonna be alright: 4-year old Rylyn Clark serenades us with the words we all need to hear in this sweet video.
60 things to be grateful for right now: This list from Tiny Buddha includes many things we often take for granted, but can choose to practice appreciation for every single day.
Relationship tips: If you want a thriving relationship, then research shows that for every negative interaction, you need at least five positive ones to balance it out. Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute consider this 5:1 ratio the “magic ratio” for a healthy balance in relationships.
And if you take just one thing away from today…
… let it be this:
There’s nothing wrong with you if you have a hard time being positive or optimistic. When you focus on the negative, your brain is simply doing what it has learned it is supposed to do to stay safe. And at the same time, positivity is a habit that you can cultivate if you put in the effort!
So, I’ll leave you with this moment of reflection:
How will you choose to cultivate a habit of positivity today? What will you do to intentionally acknowledging the good things in your life, instead of letting them flow through the sieve of your brain unnoticed?
Cheers to savoring the positive today. I hope you have a good one!
Alongside his siblings, Jessica and Alex, Nick developed the Tapping Solution App to make this powerful stress-relief technique accessible to anyone around the world. With hundreds of Tapping Meditations to choose from, there is something for everyone!
The Tapping Solution has been helping everyday people to transform how they feel and how they experience their lives since 2007, and has been featured in dozens of media outlets from Psychology Today to The Today Show.
In that time, the Ortners have taught and guided over 3 million people in the use of Tapping through video courses, tapping meditations, and online programs.
refusing to forgive, refusing to be grateful refusing to choose joy?
No, life is too short and Eternity too long not to make the best choices with the days I have left in my temporary home. I know what my Beloved wants for me…
