My husband this morning about 1.5 hours into our day, after I recognized my irritated responses to my family members this morning, said, “So far today I’ve been on the toilet for too long, made the coffee wrong and and used too much paper towel to clean up a mess.” We both laughed. ? I didn’t even realize that up until that point I had criticized literally everything he’d done. He knows this isn’t normal for me and doesn’t take it personal. He pulled me in for a warm hug while we both laughed.

This didn’t used to be us. We’d both take each others’ moods personally and in true co-dependent fashion, we tried to “fix” what was wrong so that the other person’s mood was suitable to our need to feel like nothing was wrong. We’d either have sparks flying type conversations or we’d resolve to be silent until the mood sort of went away after a few days.

Now we verbally acknowledge the mood, without condemnation, letting the other person know they are safe in the relationship. We don’t try to fix each other anymore because neither of us are broken. This is something that Vicki taught me in all of my journey to becoming emotionally healthy and intelligent, “I’m not here to fix you, because you are not broken.” Such a powerful statement to be told and to believe.

When we recognize each other’s mood, verbally acknowledge it (which for us is super important), and simply say, “I’m here for you. I know that you will find clarity on the emotions that you’re feeling.” Plus whatever other words that validate, don’t minimize, don’t compare or condemn the other person. Don’t “cheer up” the other person because their emotions are not bad and they don’t need cheering up. Whatever they are, they don’t need to go away. They just simply are and we learn so much from them when we are okay to sit with them and get curious about them. This safe environment that we created in our home, in our relationship, has healed so many wounds and just all around has had positive and unexpected amazing side affects.

Peek inside my irritable day. #moods #musings