You might have been lucky enough to have witnessed Todd and I in action in real life or you might be standing on the outside, looking in at the beautiful love we shared and the family we created, and you might be filled with envy and you would be justified with that feeling.
What I’d like to clarify to my girlfriends is that it’s a partnership, and it takes two. I made him a better man, and he made me a better woman.
We were both committed to growing and changing to become the best version of ourselves, and we gave that as a gift to each other.
Sometimes one of us carried a heavier load, but we were a team.
A great marriage and family NEVER happen by accident. It is with a lot of intention, followed up by a lot of work.
What is the work?
Usually, it consists of looking at yourself in the mirror and asking what you can change to love yourself more, to love God more and to love your spouse more.
My regret is being stuck in victim mode and blaming the other person, instead of taking responsibility for my actions and my heart.
If you want to be truly empowered and not controlled in this life, you cannot entangle yourself with any thoughts of victim hood. End of story.
If you’re not happy with your love relationship, I encourage you, I implore you to get yourself free from victim mentality, and take ownership for the life you have created, and the person you have attracted and the person you really are when no one else sees.
If you attracted a narcissist personality, you might have had a hero complex that made you codependent. Own it and get healed so you don’t repeat it.
You cannot be controlled or manipulated by another person unless you want or need something from them.
My best advice:
Take an inventory, do whatever you have to do to heal your self and learn to truly love yourself.
Don’t wait for your partner to change or take the lead, JUST DO IT!! Do it because it’s the right thing to do, do it for you. Don’t do it to try to control or manipulate the outcome.
Victim versus empowered, I am responsible for my response, which creates the outcomes I call reality
Ps
if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to be an adult and get your self to safety ASAP and then try to heal and maybe you can save the relationship and maybe you cannot.
The only one you can change is YOU! So do the hard work and reap the rewards!
It. Is. So. Worth. It.
I promise!
Widowed after 26 years
Shari ??????