I started healing a lot faster the day I realized my tears were not for Todd (Or do not need to be for him) and what he lost by not being here.

My tears were simply for me
and my loss of the love we shared
And the life we created
and pity for my future
on this earth without him.

Additionally,
I healed a lot from the PTSD
when I realized I was crying over the way he suffered unjustly because of the harmful protocols that led to his death but none of that caused him pain now.

He doesn’t care how he got there,
he’s just so happy to be in the presence
of his Savior
And to have his heavenly perfectly healthy body,
He doesn’t feel the pain and suffering anymore like I do.

It shifted everything
when I asked myself
if I could go to heaven
and yank him back to earth,
would I?

Hell no!

My love for him is not that selfish.

He got to go.

I had to stay.

(Not he had to go and I got to stay)

For example, if I would see a big tractor in a field, I would cry because he could never do what he loved again.

Then I realized the tractors in heaven and the splendors of what he was experiencing were far better.

So if I am here and he is there,
what would make him smile
as he watches me
in my day to day life?

How can I best honor him?

That verse in Proverbs 31,
“she will do him good and not evil all the days of HER life”
does not say All the days of of HIS life.

He benefits from the good I did before we met and will benefit from all I do even after he moved to heaven.

I believe my Daily decisions
create eternal rewards
not only for me but for him.

I live for him and for eternity.

I choose faith and trust

I choose Joy and peace

I choose gratitude over sadness

rather I convert my sadness into gratitude.

I hope this helps someone else take their healing to a new level ????

I love you ??

Photo from our daughters wedding 3 years ago, taken by our amazing sister Lois Snyder

By the way, This week marks the sixth Month of being separated on this earth