https://youtu.be/wGmDu5iDB34

My husband this morning about 1.5 hours into our day, after I recognized my irritated responses to my family members this morning, said, “So far today I’ve been on the toilet for too long, made the coffee wrong and and used too much paper towel to clean up a mess.” We both laughed. ? I didn’t even realize that up until that point I had criticized literally everything he’d done. He knows this isn’t normal for me and doesn’t take it personal. He pulled me in for a warm hug while we both laughed.

This didn’t used to be us. We’d both take each others’ moods personally and in true co-dependent fashion, we tried to “fix” what was wrong so that the other person’s mood was suitable to our need to feel like nothing was wrong. We’d either have sparks flying type conversations or we’d resolve to be silent until the mood sort of went away after a few days.

Now we verbally acknowledge the mood, without condemnation, letting the other person know they are safe in the relationship. We don’t try to fix each other anymore because neither of us are broken. This is something that Vicki taught me in all of my journey to becoming emotionally healthy and intelligent, “I’m not here to fix you, because you are not broken.” Such a powerful statement to be told and to believe.

When we recognize each other’s mood, verbally acknowledge it (which for us is super important), and simply say, “I’m here for you. I know that you will find clarity on the emotions that you’re feeling.” Plus whatever other words that validate, don’t minimize, don’t compare or condemn the other person. Don’t “cheer up” the other person because their emotions are not bad and they don’t need cheering up. Whatever they are, they don’t need to go away. They just simply are and we learn so much from them when we are okay to sit with them and get curious about them. This safe environment that we created in our home, in our relationship, has healed so many wounds and just all around has had positive and unexpected amazing side affects.

Peek inside my irritable day. #moods #musings

Hi there,

IN TODAY’S EMAIL

All about cultivating a habit of positivity! Why tigers in the bushes made us prone to negativity, how we can make more positive experiences stick in our brain, and a sweet reminder from a 4-year old that “every little thing is gonna be alright.”

NOTE: I’ve been getting wonderful feedback about our new, “deep dive” emails. All of our emails won’t be in this format but people are loving them.  Just remember, scroll through and pick up what serves you today! You don’t have to read every word to get great benefits. ? And make sure to forward it to someone you love who might need this info.?

TODAY’S THOUGHTS

80% of our daily thoughts are negative

Did you know that the average person has 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day, that 80% of those are negative, and that 95% are repetitive?

As humans, we really gravitate to the negative in terms of how we think!

Our brains are simply wired that way; it’s something that psychologists refer to as the negativity bias.

The negativity bias plays a HUGE role in our lives. It’s why we can’t stop thinking about that one piece of critical feedback we got from our boss, even though it was surrounded by lavish praise about how well we have been doing.

Or why we get upset over the one car that cuts us off on the way home, forgetting about the hundreds of others who were kind and courteous.

Neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson offers some helpful metaphors to illustrate the negativity bias. He explains:

“In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” 

And, “Most positive experiences flow through the brain like water through a sieve, while negative ones are caught every time.”

And for all the visual learners out there, this video from the University of California offers a great explanation of the negativity bias.

If you feel like being positive and optimistic doesn’t come naturally to you, it’s time to give yourself a break… It doesn’t come naturally to anyone! Our brains have a hard-wired tendency to downplay the good and focus on the bad.

But why is that??

EVOLUTIONARY ORIGINS

Is there a tiger in the bushes? The evolutionary origins of the negativity bias 

In this blog post, Dr. Rick Hanson explains the ancient origins of this bias toward negativity:

“Basically, in evolution, there are two kinds of mistakes: (1) You think there is a tiger in the bushes but there isn’t one, and (2) You think the coast is clear, no tiger in the bushes, but there really is one about to pounce.

These mistakes have very different consequences. The first one will make you anxious, but the second one will kill you. That’s why Mother Nature wants you to make the first mistake a thousand times over in order to avoid making the second mistake even once. 

This hard-wired tendency toward fear affects individuals, groups (from couples to multinational corporations), and nations. It makes them overestimate threats, underestimate opportunities, and underestimated resources.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m not running into many tigers in the bushes in my modern-day existence. Nonetheless, the negativity bias is still going strong! It’s a remnant of survival mode that just isn’t as necessary in the modern world.

But here’s the thing: just because the negativity bias is our default setting, that doesn’t mean we can’t override it. We simply have to consciously develop new habits and patterns to bring in more positivity to our lives!

And doing so is actually something to take quite seriously – as a positive and optimistic mindset has been linked to several important benefits across many areas of life.?

OPTIMISM SCIENCE & RESEARCH

Looking on the bright side can improve relationships, boost your bank account, and maybe even increase your lifespan!

There is some fascinating research on positivity and optimism out there.

Studies show that people who are more optimistic and see things in a more positive light tend to have:

• Better physical health
  
• Boosted immune function
  
• More success in their careers (making more money, having a higher chance of being promoted, etc.)
  
• Healthier financial habits
  
• Greater relationship satisfaction
  
• Decreased risk of mortality (from multiple causes like stroke, infection, cancer, and more) [1,2,3,4,5]

One fascinating study found that the top 25% most optimistic participants were likely to live a 5.4% longer lifespan, and have a 10% greater likelihood of living past 90, than the least optimistic participants. [6]

Pretty amazing, right? All of those benefits could be yours, just from cultivating an optimistic mindset!

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Free Book For A Limited Time!

Tapping to help kids overcome stress, anxiety, negative emotions, and much more!

In Gorilla Thumps & Bear Hugs Annabel dreams of one day being a scientist, but teasing from other kids at school has hurt her confidence and left her feeling sad and alone. Join her as she learns how to use the Magical Tapping Technique to quickly release her sadness and regain her confidence.

Help your child:
• sleep more soundly
• release anxiety and fear
• get focused for school
• develop self-confidence

Get Your Free Book Now

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PRACTICAL TIPS FOR POSITIVITY

Override your brain’s negativity filter by intentionally catching more of the good

We always have a choice of how we look at something, and step by step, we can train ourselves to see the world and our lives through a lens rooted in a deeper sense of optimism.

Here are some practical tips to help get you started with a habit of positivity:

1. Celebrate your wins and acknowledge your progress. Bring an intentional awareness to the wins, the successes, the things going well, the beautiful moments of growth and progress, and the times you feel proud. Track ‘em, log ‘em, help yourself to notice ‘em!
   
2. Practice gratitude. Take time out of each day to notice the good in your life, and all the big and little blessings around you that you have to be grateful for.
   
3. Share appreciations with others.Look for opportunities to notice the good that others are doing around you and express your gratitude to them (give extra thanks to your server at the restaurant, reach out to a coworker who’s been helping you out on a project, etc.).
   
4. Savor positive experiences. When you find yourself in a moment of peace, joy, or pleasure, draw the experience out as much as possible. Tune in and slow down so that you can really take it in and ground yourself in the moment.
   
5. Practice expecting good (instead of assuming the worst). When you find yourself falling into worst-case scenario thinking, try counteracting the catastrophizing with assuming the best. How could the situation turn out even better than you expected? How many different amazing possibilities could be ahead of you?
   
6. Try The Daily Inspiration. Start your day with a positive pick-me-up to motivate, inspire, and fill yourself with hope by heading to The Tapping Solution App and listening to our daily series of short audios titled, “The Daily Inspiration.”

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TAPPING SCIENCE & RESEARCH

Did you know that Tapping can help you feel more optimistic about life?

So where does Tapping come in, you might ask?

Well, Tapping helps us accept how we feel and honor current experience, while also supporting us in letting go of the negatives that might be holding us back. Tapping helps us open up to more positive emotions, thoughts, and experiences so that we can live our life to the fullest!

Science shows that Tapping helps soothe our brains, so they aren’t as stuck in fight-or-flight “survival” mode. Tapping can help us to deactivate the fear that fuels the negativity bias and make more room for pleasure, gratitude, positivity, and optimism. It helps put us in a balanced, calm state of mind where we can really start to notice and savor the good things in our lives right now.?

FEATURED MEDITATIONS

A simple, short, easy Tapping meditation to turn to anytime you need a dose of optimism in your life is our Micro Boost of Optimism meditation (find it now in The Tapping Solution App). This short and sweet meditation is designed to help open you up to a more positive outlook, so that you can relax and feel positive anticipation as you lean into what’s possible.

Here’s what people have to say after trying this powerful 3-minute meditation:

“Loved this one. Gave me some confidence that I can have a better life and look forward to the future.” 
– Karen

“I found this very uplifting and beneficial today because I was having a difficult day… I listened to it and tapped with the meditation a couple of times to make my day more positive.” 
– Jeanne Formanski

And if you want an even deeper dive into cultivating more positivity and optimism, consider trying our 5-Day Sleep Programming for Positivity Challenge. You can expect to feel happier, more abundant, and more optimistic about life as you Tap on increasing optimism.

Here’s what one user had to say about the Increase My Optimism Sleep Programming Tapping meditation (Day 1 of the challenge):

“I am feeling more optimistic and relaxed for sleep and the days ahead. Thank you Jessica, this meditation was so good.” 
– Viv?

INSPIRATION

Positive Words to Live By

“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”

– Alphonse Karr

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, it’s unlikely you will step up and take responsibility for making it so. If you assume that there’s no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope.”

– Noam Chomsky

“When every day seems the same, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear in our lives.”

– Paulo Coelho?

AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations for approaching the day with a positive mindset

I am grateful for the gift of this day.

Today, I choose to notice and savor the good that is all around me.

I open myself up to positive possibilities,

and unexpected surprises.

I choose to feel optimistic for the rest of my day.

I’m ready to meet this day with a positive attitude.

Today is a great day.

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MORE RESOURCES

More of what you need in your life  

An adorable reminder that every little thing is gonna be alright: 4-year old Rylyn Clark serenades us with the words we all need to hear in this sweet video.  

60 things to be grateful for right now: This list from Tiny Buddha includes many things we often take for granted, but can choose to practice appreciation for every single day.

Relationship tips: If you want a thriving relationship, then research shows that for every negative interaction, you need at least five positive ones to balance it out. Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute consider this 5:1 ratio the “magic ratio” for a healthy balance in relationships.

And if you take just one thing away from today…

… let it be this:

There’s nothing wrong with you if you have a hard time being positive or optimistic. When you focus on the negative, your brain is simply doing what it has learned it is supposed to do to stay safe. And at the same time, positivity is a habit that you can cultivate if you put in the effort!

So, I’ll leave you with this moment of reflection:

How will you choose to cultivate a habit of positivity today? What will you do to intentionally acknowledging the good things in your life, instead of letting them flow through the sieve of your brain unnoticed?

Cheers to savoring the positive today. I hope you have a good one!

Until next time…

Keep Tapping!

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REFERENCES

1. Hernandez R, Kershaw KN, Siddique J, et al. Optimism and Cardiovascular Health: Multi-Ethnic Study of Atherosclerosis (MESA). Health Behav Policy Rev. 2015;2(1):62-73. doi:10.14485/HBPR.2.1.6
2. “Can Optimism Make a Difference in Your Life?” University of Rochester Medical Center. https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4511
3. Kim ES, Hagan KA, Grodstein F, DeMeo DL, De Vivo I, Kubzansky LD. Optimism and Cause-Specific Mortality: A Prospective Cohort Study. Am J Epidemiol. 2017;185(1):21-29. doi:10.1093/aje/kww182
4. Hardy KK, Donnellan MB, Conger RD. Optimism: An Enduring Resource for Romantic Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Pscyhology. 2007;93(2):285-97. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.93.2.285
5. Gielan M. The Financial Upside of Being an Optimist. Harvard Business Review. March 12 2019. https://hbr.org/2019/03/the-financial-upside-of-being-an-optimist
6. Koga HK, Trudel-Fitzgerald C, Lee LO, et al. Optimism, lifestyle, and longevity in a racially diverse cohort of women[published online ahead of print, 2022 Jun 8]. J Am Geriatr Soc. 2022;10.1111/jgs.17897. doi:10.1111/jgs.17897

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Nick Ortner

Alongside his siblings, Jessica and Alex, Nick developed the Tapping Solution App to make this powerful stress-relief technique accessible to anyone around the world. With hundreds of Tapping Meditations to choose from, there is something for everyone!

The Tapping Solution has been helping everyday people to transform how they feel and how they experience their lives since 2007, and has been featured in dozens of media outlets from Psychology Today to The Today Show.

In that time, the Ortners have taught and guided over 3 million people in the use of Tapping through video courses, tapping meditations, and online programs.

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Broken!
I was in Dollar Tree last night, and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line. One was a big kid, and the other one was a toddler. The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks, and the toddler was screaming for them. The Mom opened the pack and gave him one which stopped his tears. He walked around with it smiling; but then the bigger boy took it, and the toddler started screaming again. Just as the Mom was about to fuss, the older child bent the glow stick and handed it back to the toddler. As we walked outside at the same time, the toddler noticed that the stick was now glowing; and his brother said, “I had to break it so that you could get the full effect from it.”
I almost ran, because l could hear God saying to me, “I had to break you to show you why I created you. You had to go through it so you could fulfill your purpose.”
That precious child was happy just swinging that “unbroken” glow stick around in the air, because he didn’t understand what it was created to do – which was “glow”.
There are some people who will be content just “being,” but some of us are chosen… we have to be “broken.”
We have to get sick.
We have to lose a job.
We go through a divorce.
We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child…
In those moments of desperation, We were broken. But… when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created. So when you see us glowing, just know that we have been broken.

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