By Tyler G. Johnson
I was 19 when my dad died in my arms from a sudden heart attack as we were replacing the roof on our house. That was 19 years ago. As of today I’ve spent as many years without my dad as I have with him. Here are a few things I’ve learned, off the cuff.
-Most of us take our parents for granted. We don’t spend as much time with them as possible because we forget that they won’t be around forever. Some of y’all are in your 40s, 50s, even 60s and 70s and you still have parents. I cannot express how incredibly blessed you are, and you don’t even know it. You take it for granted. I’ve learned that humanity lives within extraordinary blessings and never sees them nor is even aware of them. I’ve learned that thankgiving is about becoming consciously aware of what God has already done then aligning ourselves with that wonderful reality, a reality that otherwise we are instinctively blind to.
-Love necessitates pain. If someone loved badly, you don’t miss them when they are gone. If someone loved well, they leave a hole that cannot be filled. There is no remedy as the hole itself is the proof of love that existed at some point. Do not apologize for your grief as it is a unbeknownst gift; Those that have not been loved live in a darker world than you in your loss of love.
-Nobody is going to take care of your body but you. You can’t deal this responsibility off on doctors. You have to take care of yourself. If you don’t, the ones you love will suffer.
-Empathy heals. It heals us because empathy is someone choosing to willingly and sacrificial enter into our pain so that we are not alone in it. But no human will ever understand the fullness of your pain because your pain is unique. In fact, your pain is so deep that no human has the ability to really fully empathize with how you feel. Only God can. Take your cares to Him and be as vulnerable and weak as you need to be. He will always meet you in acceptance, compassion, and gentleness. He always knows what to say to make things right.
-Loss will keep happening. You may think that you already hit the unfortunate lottery jackpot once so the odds of hitting it again in a lifetime are low, so it is quite shocking when losses keep happening. How is this fair? I mean, haven’t you already paid your dues? If you don’t think about it correctly, it can all pile up and tempt you to be a victim and offended with God. Unless you deal with the first initial loss in a healthy way, every subsequent loss feels instantly overwhelming, even when it is not. Dealing with that first loss in a healthy way looks like acknowledging your pain and worshipping God in the midst of it. Total brokenness and destitution mixed with beauty and glory. Faith heals the heart. Once we see the goodness of God again, we have the ability to see that we are not a victim and not somehow attracting more terrible losses to us. We go from feeling cursed to remembering we are blessed. We begin to remember our authority and begin to take a stand again. When we do experience loss, we do not lose sight of God’s love in the midst of it, which positions us to be powerful and effective.